Connection & Projection
Spiral Shower 4.23.22
Hello there Substack. This week has felt emotionally wild and generally unproductive. However, I feel as though I came to a lot of realizations and moved through some baggage that has been blocking me.
The past few months have introduced a lot of life transitions, as well as new opportunities and potentials. It has been a bit overwhelming and difficult to ground, and I’m doing the best that I can to take things one day at a time. Taking life step by step has always been a struggle for me, as I’ve got a lot of passion and drive to manage. I’m careful to not let my visions overpower me, and instead, I am learning to contain my vision. Right now, that has been baby steps.
I tweeted a lot this week, and I’ll share the highlights below. A lot of what has been on my mind is how culture influences our view of love and connection. What is love? How do we deal with our need for connection responsibly? How can we get those needs met through love?
First of all, all humans need connection.
This is an obvious fact, but it’s something that is too often forgotten in practice. In fact, a lot of the realizations I have tend to come from the obsessive observation of human dynamics in practice. Not just what people say they know, but what their actions indicate that they believe. Some of the best reminders can appear to be basic, and yet they may be so basic that we forget them.
For example, a common assumption about love is that it implies that there is a result.
I wish that our culture better prioritized mutual thriving, because I believe it to be critical for these times. We are living amongst a lot of uncertainty, as well as a loneliness epidemic. People are getting existential, and we need each other now more than ever.
Part of the problem right now is that people are so in need of connection, and yet they are also traumatized from connection gone wrong. It’s tricky. While love/connection is the medicine we need to heal, connection gone wrong is the source of our wounds. It can be helpful for individuals to pull away and learn to self-soothe. This can help you heal, but only to a point. There comes a point in which you still need connection, no matter how self-aware or emotionally capable you are.
Fear holds us back from connection, which can lead to the impulse to control it or run away from it. People often talk about love and connection as though there is a 1) meant to be, and a 2) not meant to be. While yes, some things are good and bad for you, it is important to remember the continuous nature of life — so we can flow with it, not against it.
What stands in the way of Connection? Projection
In my opinion,the greatest value we can get from Jungian personality type is in learning how to take more responsibility for our projections. Through type, we can recognize our conscious tendencies – and thus our blindspots. Recognizing our blindspots is humbling and it can inspire curiosity in our interactions with other people. Not all is what it seems to be.
“Projections change the world into the replica of one’s own unknown face.” – Carl Jung
In Jungian psychology, we can think of projection as the mechanism in which we see our own shadows reflected in other people. We can never 100% see another person clearly, as we will always see them through our own subjective lens. However, through others, we can see ourselves more clearly.
I would have no awareness of you unless I projected a bit of myself onto you & you would not be aware of me unless you projected a little of yourself onto me. But in creating this energetic flow we will force each other to define ourselves to survive as individuals. — Liz Greene, psychologist/astrologer
We are always projecting when we interact with others, this is a normal function of the psyche. However, this can get messy when we believe our own projections so strongly that we are unable to connect with the person on the other side. It is a protective, self-preservation mechanism to shut others out and believe only our own interpretations of reality. However, doing this can block the flow of connection between people.
People get projection wrong, in my opinion, when they see it as a negative thing — rather than something we all do, that we need to take responsibility for. Taking responsibility for your projections can look like being open to others and allowing your impressions to be shaped by them. This is scary, it feels like a loss of control. This is what I mean by ego surrender.
Understanding personality dynamics is one way to get a grasp on how to “pierce the projection veil.” More on that later.
This reminds me of the quote from the movie Cloud Atlas.
“To be is to be perceived. And so to know thyself is only possible through the eyes of the other. The nature of our immortal lives is in the consequences of our words and deeds that go on apportioning themselves throughout all time” — Sonmi 451
Speaking of projection…
For those of you interested in astrology, you may know that we are currently experiencing a Jupiter/Neptune conjunction in the sky. Jupiter is a planet that represents growth and expansion, while Neptune represents otherworldly intuition, as well as confusion/delusion. Neptune as a planet reminds me of projection, because it offers the opportunity for both transcendence and delusion. When we move from projection to connection, we get ego transcendence — or, surrender. This is similar to what Jung refers to as “the transcendent function” and is probably one way to define “love.” So let it go, friends.
Here is something I wrote about Jupiter/Neptune earlier this week:
Jupiter/Neptune has almost felt like... too much intuition about something, to where you can't pull away and see yourself outside of it. It's not that the intuitive information is "wrong" so much as it is that when we get drunk on it, we lose stability.
I've been aware for months now that the astrology of April was likely to lead to lots of confusion, projection, or even deceit.. *and/or* miracles, spiritual experiences, synchronicity.. finding faith in life is a difficult balance.
This feels like a Time to break apart denial so we can allow MORE light to move through us. But we can only expect our shadows to fight back. Listen to what your mind is clinging to and see if there is room to loosen up.
It feels as though people fear opening their minds too much — you don't want your brain to fall out and lose your sanity. But it feels insane to let go of delusions that have kept you safe before, too. And it is actually our fixations that keep us crazy.
It also feels like.. this is a Time where there are opportunities for MAJOR breakthroughs. Light is filling us up faster than we can drink, which also means that our wounds are overstimulated, clogged, and suffocated. It feels heavy.
Wherever you are, I hope you are going easy on yourself. I hope you are finding that balance between 1) trusting your instincts and 2) being open to others.
Let's tackle this veil together, judgement free... This is inspiring. Non-violent communication tackles a similar thing and has changed the way I handle hard conversations.
The only security is growing more comfortable with continuous change... I want to hang this on my wall, it's beautifully said.
The Jupiter Neptune conjunction in Pisces has been overwhelming at times. Lots of fantasies, feelings about possibilities and the future that seem intuitive. But it's not kind to myself to live in fantasy world too much, and I have incorporated some grounding practices like yoga and tried to remember that what's real right now is worth leaning into. These are uncertain times and I appreciate your sharing.